Only a few weeks away, simplest the most wonderful time of the year. My kids have been scribbling and rescribbling their lists for the jolly old man (whether that's yours truly or Santa, you may decide).
But what about me, what do I want for Christmas? Well, since you asked, here's the list:
1. Some cold weather, so I can light a fire of an evening. Winter's thrill is blunted when its chill doesn't appear. And those kids' Xmas lists? How the heck is Santa supposed to get them if we can't have the annual ceremonial burning in the fireplace?
2. World peace. Been asking for a few years now, I figure it's due.
3. Another year, a full one all the way through next Christmas, where my kids believe in Santa.
4. Glacier glasses. Oh, I could ask for a ski trip for me and my son (we've been pining for several years now) but I'm not greedy. I just want the glasses.
5. One of my cunning plans to work. Specifically, number 4., above. (Ssshhh, here's the plan: I act like I'm not greedy about demanding a ski trip and, thinking I'm being nice, Santa gives me glacier glasses. I show them to my wife and say, "Well, no point having these unless. . . " She nods wisely and says, "Very true, darling, I'll go book that ski trip.")
6. Another year, a full one all the way through next Christmas, where I myself have nagging doubts about the non-existence of Santa.
7. For people to stop saying there's a "War on Christmas." Seriously, stop it. Everyone knows the First Amendment is suspended for Christmas, and even non-believers like me are okay with that. Look, it's a day where we can wave merrily to our neighbors (not just the ones next door, the ones across the street whose names we should know but don't), where we can eat too much, drink too much, watch too much TV (and let our kids watch stuff they probably shouldn't) and where we can do all this to honor a baby. How cool is that? (And if you really do believe there's a war on Christmas, watch this right now and report back on your change of mind.)
8. Ski gloves. (Back up plan and reinforcement to numbers 4. and 5. above.
9. For Santa to skip requests 1. through 8., if he's busy.
10. Exactly what I had last year: a nice Christmas tree decorated by my wife and kids, a day full of hugs and a few presents, no school, no work, no one there but us and James Bond. Oh, and a Christmas meal of roasted duck (for me), a good bottle of port to share with my wife, and a lunch platter for the kids of their very favorite dish: roast beast. Seriously.