Thanks for the praise - maybe leave out the advice?!

 With my thirteenth novel about to be published, and you know I'll be posting about that soon enough, I still enjoy hearing from readers of my other books. And, 95% of the time, when people email me it's either to say nice things or to ask when the next Hugo Marston book will be out. Or written. 

You'll notice that if 95% of the emails are lovely, that leaves 5% that are... less so. And I'm endlessly fascinated by the psychology of the 5 percenters.

Let me start by reassuring you - I'm no snowflake and I'm well aware that not all books are for all people. I've put down books that others rave about, and so I know not everyone will enjoy all of mine.

But the person who does like them, yet wants me to know their very specific criticisms... what's that about? Let us break down the email I got this morning:

Here it is in full:

I am an avid reader. Non-fiction, fiction and preferably mysteries. I am so pleased to have found your Hugo Marston series. All the elements I like—location specifics, “bloodless” murders, reasonably short chapters, interesting protagonists. Very enjoyable. But, here comes the but. With the thousands of names available to you, why, in The Book Artist for example, have detectives or characters named Marston and Marchand? Why two women named Camille and Claudia? Just to irritate readers who may get confused as to who is who? Please stop it. Everything else is great. Thanks

Right, now let's analyze this, shall we?

I am an avid reader. Non-fiction, fiction and preferably mysteries. I am so pleased to have found your Hugo Marston series. 

Lovely! Wonderful! I'm so pleased too!

All the elements I like—location specifics, “bloodless” murders, reasonably short chapters, interesting protagonists. Very enjoyable. 

Great - specific reasons he likes them, very rewarding!

But, here comes the but. 

😬

With the thousands of names available to you, why, in The Book Artist for example, have detectives or characters named Marston and Marchand? Why two women named Camille and Claudia? Just to irritate readers who may get confused as to who is who? 

Now, I will conceded that the names "Marston" and "Marchand" are quite similar in sound and appearance. I would, however, point out that "Marston" is the name of the protagonist, which means if you're confusing him with other characters after reading seven of the novels he stars in, well, the problem might not be the appearance of a character named "Marchand."

Similarly, if you are confusing Hugo's leading love interest (Claudia), with a black transgender detective (Camille), your bar for confusion might be unduly low.

And look at this line again: Just to irritate readers who may get confused as to who is who? 

What? Obviously, no writer would intentionally irritate their readers. Even me, and I've been known to intentionally irritate pretty much anyone and everyone. So this line is asking me... what? It's not really a serious question at all, is it? It's pure snark. Snark, I might wonder, included... just to irritate me!

So what's next? This line: 

Please stop it.

Stop what? I mean, do you want me to go back in time and change characters' names? Or just not do the subjectively annoying thing (to you, not one of my other thousands, nay trillions, of readers has complained about) in the future? Maybe I can email you and run my name choices past you...?

Look, I know I'm the one being snarky now but to presume to tell an author to stop doing something that only you in the entire world don't like is... well, presumptuous at best. One might even venture to use the word "rude."

And so we end with:

Everything else is great. Thanks

First, please know that he did not end with a "." I feel like I deserve a "." at the end of an email, just saying.

So here's what I'm wondering - how much of this would he say to my face at a book event? I would be chill if he did but I can imagine others cringing. I might politely dress him down, very politely, but I suspect he'd not say this to me directly. Maybe I'm wrong.

And here's the takeaway: this email will change nothing about my books, and it makes me want to not meet a human being who actually likes them. What did he achieve by taking the time to write to me? Irritation on my part? Indeed. A sense of disappointment that a nice start to an email was a disguise for his complaints? Definitely. It certainly won't result in a reply because I don't want to encourage this type of approach to an author. Anything else?

Well, this blog post I suppose. 💅

Thoughts?

**Edited to add: he's now sent me the exact same email three times in 24 hours.