Thursday, January 16, 2014

Polly busts a drunkard

This has to be one of the best stories I've seen in a long while:

Police in Mexico City said a drunken driving suspect stopped at an alcohol checkpoint was betrayed by his pet parrot, which told police "he's drunk."

Investigators said Guillermo Reyes, 49, was pulled over last week at a routine checkpoint in the city and officers heard a voice in the car repeating "he's drunk, he's drunk," Spanish-language newspaper El Universal reported Tuesday.

Police said they looked inside the vehicle, expecting to find another person, but instead discovered Reyes' pet parrot.

Reyes failed a sobriety test and was arrested on a drunken driving charge. The parrot was supposed to be taken away by Animal Surveillance Brigade officers, but Reyes told them the bird is with him at all times and could suffer stress if separated.

The parrot was allowed to accompany Reyes to jail.
The story is here if you don't believe me.

For fun, let's make a couple of assumptions. (1) that the police based their testing on the parrot's statement, and (2) Mexican law looks like US law.
So, I think the defense lawyer gets to put the parrot on the stand and cross examine it.
Defense lawyer: "Do you have any training that allows you to recognize someone above the legal limit for alcohol?"
Parrot: "Caw."
Defense lawyer: "You have core training?"
Parrot: "Polly got a cracker."
Defense lawyer: "A what?"
Prosecutor: "Judge, I believe a cracker is slang for a drunk person. The parrot is reiterating that his owner is a drunk."
Defense lawyer: "I object to the prosecutor putting words in the witness's beak."
Judge: "Is this really happening? I need a drink."
Also, did you see that the parrot was allowed to go to jail with its owner, to avoid separation anxiety?  What does that even look like in a parrot??
Also, I'm concerned for the bird. Snitches don't do well in jail.

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