Thursday, September 1, 2011

Canadians, floating feet, and a lack of suspicion

What do you get when you mix the following: eleven running shoed-feet washing ashore, tidal patterns, and Canadian investigators?

Not much, apparently.

You must have seen this story by now, and because the specter of a serial killer looms large (in my mind) I had to mention it here:

Another human foot has washed ashore in British Columbia, keeping investigators on their toes in the case of 11 mysterious feet in running shoes that have appeared on area beaches since 2007.

The possible "non-suspicious" explanations in the story are hard to swallow. Not so much because they are implausible but because they are just so damned uninteresting. For those too lazy to click, the thinking is that all these people died in unrelated ways, and because running shoes are buoyant these days, while the rest of their bodies disappeared into the wavy blue, their feet made it to shore.

I prefer to think that no, they have a bead on a serial killer, one with a running shoe fetish. Maybe a cabal of them, evil men who sit around their evil lair at night and take bets on which foot will bob to the beach next. Slicer Simon wagers on the small, petite feet of women while Hatchet Harry bets on the bigger, more robust clodhoppers of men.

Hmmm, I think I have a new story to write...


  1. Sadly, what comes to mind, besides the serial killer with the foot fetish angle, is the relatively recent tsunami in Japan...

    Very intriguing, thanks for posting it!

  2. I own experience with Canadian law enforcement causes me to suspect that this will remain forever a mystery. Nice people, but completely unmotivated and incompetent. At least the ones I had to deal with. (Ontario Provincial Police). And for what it's worth, the Crown Attorneys were worse. Didn't pay one whit of attention to what I was telling them about my client whom they insisted on putting on the stand as a Crown witness in a high-profile criminal trial, and wound up making very unpleasant headlines all over Canada. And suffering an embarrassing acquittal of a bona fide card-carrying pervert. A leading newspaper columnist for the Toronto Globe and Mail described my client as "massively inarticulate." (The problem was that in his heart he was a defense witness.) Nice people, but....


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